Valentine’s Day is a day that really emphasizes
L O V E.
This year on Valentine’s Day I found myself feeling so grateful for all the people I love so much! My fiancé, my friends, my family… my heart was filled to the brim with love for other people. But then I stopped to check in with myself about self-love. For me, an empath, it is so easy to pour myself into other people and just hand out love like it’s a tequila shot on a bachelorette party! Don’t get me wrong, loving other people is AMAZING and is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and a solid support system. BUT don’t get so caught up in loving and supporting other people that you forget about yourself. A lot goes into loving yourself and just like you have to put in effort with your other relationships, you GOTTA do the same with yourself, sister!
Self-love is a practice that you MUST be committed to. It’s something you should look forward to, like the free bean dip at Gloria’s!!! Just like all of your other relationships and friendships, your relationship with yourself must be tended to, nurtured, and prioritized. Think of how amazing it feels to get flowers from your significant other or how special you feel when you get a handwritten card from your best friend in the whole wide world. What if I told you that practicing self-love consistently allows you to be a source of that happiness AND also on the receiving end???? ITS AMAZING. I always like to say that relationships with other people should be like a bowl of ice cream… you are the ice cream and your connections with others should be the toppings like sprinkles or gummy bears (honestly, not personally into gummy bears on ice cream but ITS YOUR ICE CREAM DAMNIT AND YOU CAN MAKE IT HOWEVER YOU WANT!!!!)
The whole point of this silly analogy is that the ice cream is good alone. BETTER YET, the ice cream is AMAZING ALONE! I truly don’t know one single person that would pass up a bowl or cone of just plain ice cream. And if you do… don’t trust them lol. Your relationships with other people should just be added joy to your life, but not the substance of it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s taken me YEARS to figure this all out and to get to a place where I can say, “I’m totally fine alone but I’m choosing not to be” and really mean that genuinely. Through that process, it’s taken A LOT of self-reflection, cutting the cord on unhealthy relationships, years of therapy, and most importantly, SELF-LOVE!!!!
Practicing self-love was something that initially felt AWK AF but now it’s something I look forward to every. SINGLE. DAY!!!! To get started, I’d recommend making a SELF LOVE TO DO LIST. That made it feel less awkward for me and since I’m a do-to list type of gal, it was easy for me to check things off that list like it was vacuuming the house or doing the laundry (TBH mixing in self-love into other daily and weekly chores makes the transition so much easier because who wouldn’t prioritize getting your nails done and telling yourself you’re amazing in the mirror over picking up dog s*** in the back yard????)
Below is my break down of how to start a good Self-LURV routine. It’s what helped me get into making a habit out of loving myself! But please keep in mind, what works for me might not work or feel right for you! If it doesn’t, THAT IS OK! Just pinky promise me that you’ll start exploring what does feel right for you because self-love feels good sister, and you are so deserving of it.
HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF 101
1. Engage in a self-care routine
Self-care can be anything from a nice hot bath with Epsom salts and candles to a strong pour of cab! The most important thing is not what you do, it’s THAT YOU DO IT! Make a list of all the things that make you and your body feel good and that’s a great start. This can be your go to list when you feel like you need a little pick me up but you’re in that funk mood of “nothing’s going to make me feel better right now”. Some of my self-care GO TO’s on my OG list are: take a nice hot bath with a face mask, get outside and go on a walk, binge watch real housewives, meditate, journal, listen to my favorite music, go to an infrared sauna, tackle a new recipe, some retail therapy, get my hair or nails done, buy myself flowers and have them delivered to myself (and YES I write a card to myself saying “To: Me HAVE A GREAT WEEK YOURE AWESOME AND ILYSM Love, ME) – to name a few! If you’re still struggling trying to pick things out to do for yourself then go on Pinterest and search for a self-care challenge! They have monthly challenges where all you have to do is complete the daily task for yourself, and I promise you… YOU’LL LOVE IT!
2. Set yourself up for success
What I mean by this is to set weekly goals for yourself that you 100% know you are going to complete. If you know you’re going to cook dinner 3 times that week or clean your place on Sunday morning, then add that all to your weekly goals list. Put it in your planner or write it on a sticky note and put it on your bathroom mirror or fridge. It’s easy to get lost in all the aspirational shit you want to accomplish but in order to get the train rolling, I want you to start by targeting the goals you absolutely know you’re going to accomplish. When you set the bar too high and set a million expectations for yourself, it’s so easy to feel discouraged and then just say f*** it because who wants to do BARRY’S boot camp at 6am after you’ve had a long ass week at work and your dog threw up and you haven’t done the dishes in two weeks. START SMALL SISTER AND WE WILL WORK OURSELVES UP!!!!
3. Positive self talk
Ok this one is HARD AF for me and I still struggle with it daily… but I’m aware of it and I’m working on it and that’s okay with me. The hard thing about addressing self-talk is that NO ONE ELSE HEARS IT so no one else can confront you on it unless you verbalize it. I think I come off as a pretty confident young woman but I talk to myself so poorly sometimes. No one would guess that though because no one hears it. This dialogue in my head sounds like “uughhhhh I have so many pimples right now” or “I feel like absolute s*** today, awesome!” or “I have cellulite and I hate it SO MUCH”. Yikes, I’m even sad typing that out because it makes it real for me. I deserve better than to talk to myself like that and so do you. The first step is to just listen. I want you to just be attuned to how you talk to yourself about yourself and lets start there. If you really want to be an over-achiever, then write out some positive affirmations to tell yourself and start and end your day with those. Some of the affirmations I repeat to myself are “I am healthy” “I am strong” and “I am worthy”! Start there!!!
4. Take yourself on a date
Now the idea of sitting at a restaurant by myself for dinner makes me want to shrivel up into a raisin, but that’s my own issue. If you can do this for yourself then HELL YA, MORE POWER TO YOU SISTER!!!!! But for me, I noticed that for a long time I would only go above and beyond to cook a nice din for my fiancé or only go above and beyond when I’m hosting guests. But I want you to treat yourself to a nice dinner, whether you get take out or cook a meal you’ve been craving, it doesn’t matter! The purpose is to just treat yourself like you would be treating a new bumble date that you’re super into that’s coming over for dinner! YOU ARE YOUR OWN GUEST! Pamper yourself, try to impress yourself, compliment yourself!