SPRING IS HERE!!!
(Even though it’s still literally FREEZING outside)
Which means for us, that it’s time to declutter…AKA my favorite thing to do. There is NOTHING better than decluttering and organizing, or shall we say out with the old, in with the new!!! A few days ago, I decided to go through my closet, like I do every year, and analyze each piece of clothing I have and contemplate if it’s worth keeping or should go in the sell or donation pile. Honestly, as much as I love the end feeling of it all, the process of it takes me F.O.R.E.V.E.R. because I go through every POSSIBLE scenario about when I maybe, could possibly, but know I won’t ever, wear this again. As I look at each item, I think to myself “ya know Elise, you haven’t worn this in two years and it doesn’t fit right anymore, but maybe one day you’ll have to go to a gardening class with a friend and it’ll be perfect” and that’s all the validation I need to justify putting that black velvet hanger back on the rack.
I KNOW… I’m sure you’re wondering why decluttering is my favorite thing to do if it sounds like I absolutely suck at it but I promise I do get rid of things, even if it takes me 3 weeks to do so. Sometimes, all I need is just a little encouragement from my fiancé, Carl. Whenever I’m having a really hard time deciding on whether to keep or toss something, I’ll ask him and within .0001 seconds, he will decide and then of course I’ll give him all of my excuses as to why I should keep it BUT the point is… it’s definitely helpful to have a friend, significant other, or even your mom give their opinion on it because it’s not so personal for them.
So with this being my 5th year that I’ve started decluttering my closet, I wondered to myself, “why is it so HARD for me to give up things if they are just THINGS???” To that point, I think the personal aspect of it is the answer to my grand question. When you buy something, you invest in it, you wear it, you spend time with it, and you create memories in it. So no wonder it can be hard to give those things up sometimes!!!!! This whole idea got me thinking on a much deeper level about FRIENDSHIPS (because you can’t get a Master’s Degree in Counseling without thinking on the deepest level with everything… sometimes to a fault)
*pause* YES I KNOW YOU THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE A BLOG POST ABOUT CLOTHING BUT ITS NOT!!!! HAHA GOT YA! Keep reading for some life talk that will help you figure out who your real friends are.
I have been reflecting A LOT on my friend group lately, one that has evolved COMPLETELY since high school. It’s really actually crazy if you think about it. My social circle is inclusive of a few people from high school, some from college, and some from graduate school, and then some randoms that I’ve met along the way. Looking back, there are a handful of people that I would’ve given a kidney to at the time that now have absolutely nothing to do with my life (YES YOU HEARD ME, A KIDNEY!!!). This is a hard pill to swallow, especially if you’re in the thick of it. You think to yourself, “I’ve put time and effort into this friendship, I’ve told them secrets, we’ve built trust, and we have a history” and then you probably think to yourself “it’s probably easier to just keep being dissatisfied in this friendship than it would be to end it” and that right there is why we have friendships that linger on and on without benefiting our lives much.
Now, I truly believe that everyone who is in your life at some point had a purpose, whether it was to give you comfort when you needed it, show you a good time, teach you something, or help you grow. But sometimes, friendships end and it’s confusing to wrap your head around it.
Maybe you’re sitting there thinking back wondering about this one friend who ghosted you or maybe this one friend who really hurt your feelings or a different friend who just moved away and you don’t talk anymore. Disconnecting can happen to anyone and any friendship.. YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE. But it doesn’t have to be a bad thing!! If we can reframe the way we view it, then we can become closer to feeling peace about it.
Now, I’ve done a lot (and I mean A LOT) of work on myself, which has included cutting the cord on unhealthy relationships and friendships and LET ME TELL YOU SISTER, I have ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS been better in the end because of it. But I’m not going to sit here and lie to you and tell you it’s all flowers and butterflies and sunshine when it’s happening BECAUSE IT’S NOT. It sucks. It hurts. It’s sad. AND you’ll probably cry.
!!!! PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!!!
You will grieve a friendship ending and that looks different for everybody.
BUT the good news is…that means you’re NORMAL and you have FEELINGS! YAY!
Now let me get to the “meat and potatoes” as Carl always says (I can sometimes lose my audience in my elaborate story telling - LOL).
EVERY FRIENDSHIP SHOULD BE SERVING YOU IN SOME POSITVE WAY. It should be reciprocal. It should be healthy. It should be understanding. It should be genuine.
Now, I’m not telling you to just rip the band aid off and kill off a friendship like you’re killing a huge spider in the corner of your apartment… I’m just telling you to think and reflect on your friendships and who is in your corner and who you think will still be in that corner when life goes to shit, because we all know that happens every now and again.
To put this into perspective, I was diagnosed with a chronic illness, Lyme Disease, about 4 years ago. I thought that my friend group was as SOLID as the Rock’s biceps… but I was wrong. Some of the people I thought would be by my side, holding my hand through it all, were nowhere to be found and that made fighting through what felt like death, that much harder. They always say, there’s nothing like going through a hard time that shows you who your true friends are... and PRAISE JESUS that’s the truth. My mom has ALWAYS told me (and her mom always told her) that you can count your TRUE friends on one hand and you’ll still have fingers left standing.
To connect this idea to spring cleaning, reflecting on your friendships to try to figure out who is REALLY in it for the long haul is a lot like decluttering your closet. It’s a hard process, one that may take time. Just like your clothes, you’ve spent time with your friends, you’ve shared memories with your friends, and you have history together. But just like how my 2006 Victoria Secret undies with holes in them aren’t doing anything for me anymore, you may need to take the time to consider this with some friendships as well. You deserve an army of people who genuinely and whole heartedly love you, support you, and encourage you, sister! We ain’t got the time or energy for the BS anymore. There’s no point in continuing friendships that aren’t serving you just because you feel bad for your friend for doing what you know you need to do or just because it might be easier to just maintain that friendship versus cut the cord on it.
So for the next few weeks, I encourage you to think about the people you call your friends. Start by writing out or journaling about what a good friend means to you and what qualities would that person would have. I’ll do mine below if you’re interested!
After that, I want you to connect it back to your friend group and see who fits in the model of what you need out of a friend and start there!!
JOB OPPORTUNITY TO BE ELISE’S FRIEND
Requirements:
Genuine/Authentic
Kindhearted
Trustworthy
Honest
Dependable
Loyal
Empathetic
Non-judgmental
Funny
Compassionate
Good listener