My health journey has been nothing short of a rollercoaster (and just so you know, I freaking HATE rollercoasters). The best way I can describe it is to tell you to think of the scariest rollercoaster at six flags… the one that you knew, going into the park, that you most definitely, without a doubt, would NOT ride but then somehow get thrown into doing it by your friends. It’s that roller coaster that you get onto nervous, scared, and not knowing what to expect. The one where you go up the incline thinking, “ok this isn’t so bad, I think I can do this” and then you reach the top and have a fleeting thought of “omg ok this is really scary, I never wanted to do this, please get me off” and then you drop 100 feet and do a million flips and the whole time you’re thinking “HOLY SHIT IM GONNA DIE OR VOMIT OR BOTH”. That my friends, has been my life for the past 4 years, except I don’t get to go home after the ride is over… I’ve been on that ride for what feels like 13,947,309,472 times… and counting.
My pre-“sick” life consisted of working full time at a job where I killed it, going on spontaneous trips, doing jump splits at the CLURB, staying up late with my friends, making memories, taking one too many fireball shots, and powering through a hangover like it was my job. I had a very exciting and lively life… I was never bored and always surrounded by friends. I wanted my twenties to be the years that I “lived it up”, so I never said no to an invite to have fun #YOLO. One of those days, I just knew something was wrong… I had these huge red, sore, and hot knots all over my hands, was in pain all over, and honestly felt like I had been hit by a bus. I couldn’t get out of bed. I went to a few doctors where I was told, I probably have Lupus, or Fibromyalgia, or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome… all of these doctors were confused by me and seemed unsure of all these random diagnoses. It’s almost as if they slapped these labels on me just to make themselves feel better about not knowing what the hell was wrong with me.
I lived in Arizona at the time and my parents lived in Texas so it was difficult going through this initial stage of knowing something was wrong with me but having no answers whatsoever. My mom (who is literally an angel sent straight from heaven) did hours and hours of research and found a naturopathic doctor because the medical field just wasn’t doing it for me (and I’ve never been back to a regular MD since!!!)
P.S. Look how freaking cute my mom is…
Momma T flew out to Arizona to join me at this appointment that we had waited weeks for. When we got there, my mom demanded that I get tested for Lyme Disease because we spent every summer of my upbringing in Delaware, where it’s super prevalent. When the test results came back positive, I literally was so excited. I know, I know… you’re probably thinking that I’m out of my mind being happy about having a disease… but to me, it was such a relief because it meant I WASN’T crazy and it WASN’T all in my head. We then got referred to another doctor in Arizona because she was an LLMD, which means a Lyme Literate Doctor (if you have Lyme, you NEED to find a clinician who has this credential!!!!). Dr. Judy has been my saving grace, so much so that I’m inviting her to my wedding in September. She is very much part of my everyday life. After sitting down with me for hours and truly listening to me and my story, we came up with a good plan that was individualized to me and my needs. At this point, we had figured out that I had Chronic Lyme Disease, which meant the disease laid dormant in my body for years and years and then when my immune system took a hit (which I’ll do another blog post on how implants made me sick) the Lyme saw it as a prime time to wreak havoc on my body. Dr. Judy’s plan consisted of a year of immune support and naturopathic treatment for the Lyme with herbs and homeopathics (a big word for things that assist your body in healing itself – basically like what the Fab 5 do in the Queer Eye series). At the time, I was taking roughly 50 pills morning, afternoon, and evening, doing IV’s twice a week, and stabbing myself in the ass with a 4 inch needle every day, sometimes twice a day. We decided it would be best for me to move back to Texas and move in with my parents because it was going to be a rocky ride… and holy shit, it was the rockiest ride I’ve ever been on in my life. You see, when the Lyme dies off it releases these toxins that literally make you feel like you’re going to die. LITERALLY DIE. It feels like every system in your entire body is shutting down. Think of being stranded on a desert island alone, after you’ve just completed an iron man carrying a backpack full of rocks… WITH THE FLU. Ya… it’s f***ing awful.
After that year, we decided it was time to bring in the big boys and fight this thing with antibiotics. The thing with Lyme is that it can be just swimming in your blood like tubing through a lazy river on a summer day OR it can penetrate your cells and have a high school house party in there, OR the worst form, it can create a cyst inside of your cell, which is the hardest to treat… it’s like getting into Justin Bieber’s VIP table in Vegas… it can happen but it takes a lot of hard work, dedication, and some charm. To make sure you can tackle all three forms full speed ahead, you need to do a mix of antibiotics in various forms and change them up every couple of weeks because your body becomes immune to them. Over the span of 13 months, I took 5 different antibiotics via pills, shots, and IV’s (one of them made my pee, sweat, and tears red which was kinda cool… if we’re trying to look on the bright side of things☺ )
The worst part about these first 2 years is that I looked COMPLETELY FINE. People thought I was healthy and capable and couldn’t tell that my body was essentially fighting Manny Pacquiao blindfolded… as if this disease isn’t hard and complicated enough, I’d have days where I felt okay and then the next day I was on my death bed. This was confusing for people and led to lots of speculation, questioning, and misunderstanding. If you have a chronic illness, you need to know that
NO ONE WILL UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU GO THROUGH EVERY SINGLE DAY.
People can try but at the end of the day no one and I mean NO ONE knows what it’s like to walk (or lay on the couch) in your shoes for a day. It’s isolating, it’s frustrating, and it’s depressing.
It took me a LONG time but I finally had to just stop caring about what other people thought about me and my journey. I had to fuel myself on the idea of being my own advocate and knowing I had a select few people who would support me, empathize with me, and be there for me despite not being able to fully grasp what it is like to be trapped in this hell hole of a body. I’ll have to do another post on this cause I could go on and on and on…
JUNE 6TH, 2017, I TESTED NEGATIVE FOR LYME.
I remember exactly what I was doing and who I was with when I got the call. I was with one of my best friends, Lindsey, at Flower Child and we were both crying of happiness in line waiting to order our Mother Earth bowls. I remember texting the good news to my boyfriend at the time and getting the response “does this mean you can work now?” in return (I’m going to ruin the end of that horror movie and tell you that this relationship did not last much longer but I’ll go into unhealthy relationships on another post cause PRAISE JESUS I dodged a bullet with that one).
My next move was to do Stem Cell Treatment in Los Angeles to support my body and keep me in remission (Important to know: I will never be completely Lyme-free, it’s just a matter of maintaining remission). We found out about this facility called Infusio because Yolanda Foster and Kelly Osborne did it and raved about it like it was a new facial we all had to try out!! It’s basically two weeks where you get IV’s for 6 hours a day and drink green juice and have all your blood sucked out and then put back in (Ozone therapy for those of you Lymies). The whole two weeks I was there it felt like every single illness I’ve ever had in my entire life was activated and dancing around in my beat up body.
**It’s important to tell you that NONE and I mean literally not one of these treatments are covered by insurance because technically the CDC thinks that “Chronic Lyme Disease” doesn’t exist – which is a bunch of bullshit if you ask me because I have it and IT SUCKS. I feel SO fortunate that my parents have been in a financial position to get me the medical attention I’ve so desperately needed at such a high cost. I know several people with Lyme who are forced to go into debt or just suffer day after day because they cannot afford out of pocket payments. It is NOT okay and it needs to change!!!**
So back to Infusio… $30,000 and two AWFUL weeks later, at the end of my time at Infusio, I was on a hospital bed, face down, getting stem cells harvested from my back fat via manual liposuction…
The person before me told me it felt like a massage… I wanted to punch that person in the face after.
The plane ride home was the following day and was literally a nightmare. Every move I made felt like spears of fire were shooting up and down my body from my back. I was fatigued. I was in pain. I was nauseous. I was grumpy (sorry mom – lol). And I wanted to cry but couldn’t because I was so focused on surviving through it all. The next two weeks I basically laid on my parents couch with my eyes closed hoping and praying that it would be over soon. I genuinely thought I was going to die and I think my mom did too. It was scary and I truly hope none of you ever have to experience that.
The next 9 months, I made improvements each week and it was GLORIOUS (cue the Macklemore song). I finally thought that I was over the hill and it would be smooth sailing from here on out… but I was WRONG.
APRIL 27th, 2018 – My mom, dad, brother, his girlfriend (now fiancé) Kayla, and my boyfriend (now fiancé) Carl were in Jackson Hole, Wyoming on a family vacay. We spent the whole day walking around the cute town but I knew something was wrong. It’s like my mom had spidey senses because she knew something was wrong too (when I don’t feel good I get really quiet because internally I’m starting to panic). We had dinner and then went to bed. I fell asleep for about 30 minutes and woke up in a sweat. My body was radiating pain all over, I was sweating but had the chills, I couldn’t move, I wanted to throw up, and seriously thought that this would be the end for me. I was scared… and so was Carl. He went and got my mom and we spent the next 2 hours pulling every trick out of our large bags of remedies and finally it passed – and that my friends was called a Histamine attack, which is basically a defense mechanism in your body. It’s like a bouncer at a club… they detect someone in the club who needs to get out and go home and they do anything they can to get that person out. As awful as it was, it meant my body was WAKING UP and doing its damn job and detoxing some of the bad stuff that needed to come out. ! If you haven’t realized by now, healing Lyme means you WILL GET WORSE before you get better. Getting worse actually means your body is doing what it’s supposed to do – which is really sort of f***ed up, if you ask me.
BUT I got engaged the next day to the man of my dreams, which I feel like was God and the Universe rewarding me for being strong through the physical pain and not giving up when I so badly wanted to.
This next picture KILLS ME – HAHAHA!
The next step in my healing process will be getting my implants out, which I will make a separate post and Youtube video about! What I want you to take from this post is that no matter who you are and what you are going through, you are strong and you will make it. Even when it feels like there’s no way out, persist. In these times, it is not about thriving, it is about surviving. Our bodies are capable of healing, you just can’t give up on it OR yourself. YOU ARE A WARRIOR (A GLADIATOR for all my scandal fans) and you can do it, sister! I believe in you and I’m here for you.